I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
