It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
