I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
