So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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