Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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