dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
she looked like the before picture.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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