i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I checked into jail on foursquare
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
