There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
sex in a hospital.. check
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
