mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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