I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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