You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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