She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
