Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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