I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
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Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
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The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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