I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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