I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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