i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
