Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
