They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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