i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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