I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
