I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
