The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
