did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You should frame my arrest warrant.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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