I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
