oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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