I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
