God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
