Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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