new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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