It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
