We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
