last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize