im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
