mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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