dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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