I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
