: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
