now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
