I faked an abortion last night.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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