I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
