Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
