i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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