theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
