the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
