my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
