The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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