He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
