I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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