we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
