someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
