got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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