Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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