how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
