Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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