I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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