i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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