p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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