i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
