I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
