he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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