I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
