Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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