whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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