I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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