Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
