I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
