if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
