Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
