He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
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I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
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for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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