she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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