When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
