Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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