So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
