mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
