I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
